The Anakin Skyalker vs Palpatine Rap
by Do a Barrel Roll
Summary: The final showdown of the Light and Dark Side all depends on how well Anakin and Palpatine can make their rhymes to the beat...See Star Wars like never before! Mwuahahaha!


**Wolf: I thought of this yesterday, for some reason. And I made up the lyrics today during school. It was awesome! GO ANAKIN!**

_Rapping is in italics._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. And the a-word is just 'a' in this, since I don't swear.**

* * *

**The Anakin Skywalker vs. Palpatine Rap-Off**

A large crowd had gathered inside the throne room on the Death Star, Rebels and Imperials alike. This was a strange event, unlike anything they had ever seen before. "Hello everybody!" shouted the DJ from behind his disc jockey. His long dreadlocks fell over his shoulders. On top of his head sat a baseball cap. "Welcome to the one and only Jedi-Sith Rap-Off!" Cheers roared out from the crowd.

The DJ gestured to his right. "And in this corner, standing at 1.85 meters! You know him as The Hero With No Fear, the Chosen One himself, Anakin Skywalker, newly redeemed from the Dark Side!" Anakin pumped his fist in the air as the audience bellowed out in thunderous applause.

The man lost his enthusiasm as he turned to the other corner of the stage. "And in this corner, also known as Darth Sideous...Palpatine." There were jeers and boos from the crowd. Palpy glowered at them all.

"All right, Palpatine," continued the nameless DJ, "you're up first! Keep rapping until the beat stops!" He touched the needle to the record, and a beat-boxing sound was emitted from large speakers. Palpatine began to rap.

"_I'm the darkest Sith Lord you'll ever have seen_

_Yeah you guessed right, I'm the B.A. Palpatine_

_My pimped lightsaber makes yours look like a glowstick_

_Now go die with the others in Order 66_

_When I grill you I know you'll fizzle like soda_

_I even beat the snot out of little old Yoda_

_Try to teach me, son, and I'll take you to school_

_You'll do the dead man float in your own blood pool_

_Don't ever screw with me, you know I'm the best_

_By the way did you know your children were incest?_

_You think I'm ugly? You were crap at Mustafar_

_Sometimes you're as stupid as that moron Jar Jar_

_With a flick of my finger I hit you with a zap_

_I'll pin you and kill you with a RAT-A-TAT, TAT!_"

* * *

Anakin arched his eyebrow, bringing the microphone to his lips. The wrinkled corpse thought he had skills? He'd seen nothing yet! Anakin began his turn:

_"With a burst of the Force I'll slam you wall to wall_

_You're just a little wiener without Darth Maul_

_And don't forget what happened to Count Dooku_

_He didn't stand a chance against me and my crew_

_I'm the hottest Jedi ever, don't be a hater_

_Did you really forget I was once Darth Vader?_

_Oh, that's right! I turned on you, too_

_You're more worthless than bantha poodoo_

_Flying my starfighter all over the place_

_I'll blast a torpedo right in your hideous face_

_Your wrinkles are like canyons, your mouth is like a grave_

_Try to touch me, creep, and you'll be enslaved_

_I'm an awesome Jedi dude who came back from the dead_

_You're a senile old perv who still wets his bed!"_

* * *

The crowd thundered for Anakin. Palpatine sneered darkly as the shouted on,

_"Oh, little Ani, how you're such a tool_

_Don't you realize you're a great big fool?_

_You can't make a rhyme to save your life_

_Was that why you were ditched by your wife?_

_I'm so hot, you can't ever own me_

_You couldn't even beat old Obi-wan Kenobi_

_I've met your son, he's a midget and he's puny_

_Your daughter is a sleaze and her boyfriend is loony_

_I'm unbeatable with unlimited power_

_Don't even try to top me, you lame pansy flower_

_If we had a saber duel I'd toast you 'cause I'm vicious_

_Padme always said I was so delicious_

_I'm a dang Sith Lord with a giant army_

_You're a whining little prat with a dead mommy!"_

* * *

Dude, he had just dissed Anakin's mom. Palpatine was going down. Anakin rapped like no one had rapped ever before.

_"Say it, don't spray it, I swear you're a stalker_

_I'll bust you up with my Imperial walker_

_I've got a super, awesome, rockin' platinum studded Death Star _

_All you've got are some lame and gay weakling scars_

_The Dark Side can't own me, I'm so fly_

_Me and my gang doing Jedi drive-bys_

_We don't kill everyone, that's a big fat myth_

_All we ever bust up are those creeper Sith_

_Before you die you'll beg for a painless end_

_I'll roll my eyes and say, 'Go whine to your husband!'_

_I leave nasty destruction in my wake_

_You'll be crushed under rubble like a queer fruitcake_

_No one can deny it, I've got style_

_Unlike you, Palpy, you're a gay pedophile!"_

* * *

The audience bellowed out names, mostly Anakin's. "ANAKIN WINS!" yelled out the DJ. Anakin grinend and hoisted Palpatine over his head.

"Wait are you doing?!" demanded Palpatine. "Put me down this instant!" Anakin didn't listen, and threw Palpatine over the platform. "NOOOO!" He shouted, before meeting his doom.

It was officially the strangest victory ever for the Light Side of the Force.

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**Wolf: So who do you think won, Anakin or Palpatine? Let me know in your review!**


End file.
